How can I tell someone might be abusive? Sometimes the best way to identify an abusive relationship is to look for warning signs that your partner is abusive.

Things to Look For:

Puts you down: it's a warning sign if your partner teases you, makes cruel jokes, or says hurtful things. It's also a warning sign if your partner doesn't respect you or doesn't take you seriously. Saying things to hurt you, even as jokes, is not okay. In fact, it's one of the earliest signs of abuse, and it's often overlooked.

Jealousy: inappropriate jealousy is another one of the biggest early warning signs. If your partner is always checking up on you, constantly calls you or texts you to find out where you are, tells you who you can hang out with, tries to make you feel bad about your friends, or accuses you of cheating, those are all warning signs. Jealousy is a very common way to limit your freedom and cut you off from your friends. Unfortunately, it's also a very common excuse for violent behavior.

Uses force: your partner should never treat you roughly or use physical force. Your partner should never hit you, slap you, or push you, and it's not okay to hold you in place during an argument or try to control your movement by blocking your exits or crowding you.

Explosive anger: if your partner's temper flares up suddenly and he (or she) jumps off over little things, that's a warning sign. Sudden bursts of explosive anger are one of the most obvious, most common signs of an abusive personality.

Abused previous partners: if your partner has abused previous partners, that's a very clear warning sign, but it can be easy to overlook this one. If it's early in the relationship and your partner isn't treating you badly, it's easy to believe that the last person caused the behavior or deserved it. Your partner may tell you that the other person was "pushing his buttons" or that she "made him" act that way, but abuse is always a choice.

Belief that women are inferior: part of the reason dating violence is common is the belief that women are inferior to men, and the belief that men should have the right to control their partners. Real love is not about control. Real love is about respect.